dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
