you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
