If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
