for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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