so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
