Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
