now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize