dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
