everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
