If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
