I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
