Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize