there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
