Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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