we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
