You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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