Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
