Please, let me fuck your mom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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