I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The uberlube is also flammable
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize