My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
high people should be assigned attendants
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize