hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
ttyl tear gas
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
