I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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