I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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