literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
