So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
