Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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