she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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