Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize