Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
