I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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