get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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