if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
