Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
