So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We are two peas in an std pod
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
