My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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