so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He felt like a one man threesome
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
