Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
