saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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