We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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