i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize