Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
