just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You took a bar mat shot.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
