Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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