Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
