Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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