Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
