Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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