the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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