i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
