Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
