She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
