Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize