I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
