For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
