sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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