She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
