She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize