doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
