somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize