I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
