Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
