I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
