1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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