I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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