what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
